I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
