We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
