We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
