you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My hand turned me down
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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