what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
