my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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