I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
