im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
