dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
