i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
