i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
