proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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