Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
