What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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