My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
