I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
