just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
