Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
The ass gains better be worth it
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