just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
