The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
