Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
