Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
