sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
