My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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