it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
