I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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