OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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