I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
