You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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