I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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