i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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