How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
