The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
