you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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