sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
