I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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