I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
