Quick, to the slutcave!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
