scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
