i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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