none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
