me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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