Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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