Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
