Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
