the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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