Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
