I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
