we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
