Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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