you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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