i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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