Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
