I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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